Too much Encouragement

Yes, you can give too much encouragement. Why?

Because as we learn, it’s crucial to understand where the boundaries lie. Without proper guidance, or correction, we might miss out on learning essential behaviours needed for a successful and happy life.

The challenge lies in balancing encouraging messages with corrective ones.

The first step is to grasp the difference between the impact of purely positive and negative messages.

We communicate through Conditional and Unconditional messages. Let’s assign 100 points to an Unconditional Positive message, such as “I love you.”

Conditional Positive messages include a “because” element, like “I love you because you always help me with the dishes.”

The issue arises with negative messages. An Unconditional Negative message isn’t just 100 points; it’s more like 1,000 points. A Conditional Negative message can range from 1 to 999 points, depending on its content. While this isn’t an exact science, you get the idea.

It’s important to understand that if you want to encourage someone to improve in a certain area, they need to feel good about the need for change.

Each message either adds to or detracts from their overall sense of self-worth.

This means your communication should leave the person with a positive emotional uplift and a perceived personal benefit from the change. As shown in the table below, we must deliver more encouraging messages to help someone make beneficial changes. Sometimes, this means avoiding any negative communication altogether. Please note the Conditional numbers are shown as averages.

As an exercise, try can analysing any communication sequence and assign a numerical value to each of the messages.

Contact BSetFree for support.